Technology is quite a thing. M. left on the 11th. I got to spend extra time with him both the night before he left and the day he left, as his flight was cancelled and he ended up spending the day here. I miss him. We do talk every day though. I love that technology keeps us connected. It may make things more difficult though in the long run. Look how long NYC M. has been in my life. Not that there has been any interaction in months between us, but still. I am looking forward to a Skype or a Facetime soon. Hopefully within the week, because one week from today, I am leaving for Cuba. This winter AND spring have been brutal. Cold, snowy, neverending awful weather. I need heat. I need sun. I need to be away from work. So, logically I am going to Cuba. Alone. Why not?
I just had a big fight with my mother who was telling me about a show she and my dad watched, something like Dateline, where a woman, alone of course, was killed on a trip to the Bahamas. She hates that I am going alone. I really, really want to move to the Caribbean, what the hell will she do if I do move??? She thinks I’d move to M.’s country but really, that is not my plan. I want to learn to speak Spanish fluently. I know it would be a quick learn for me. I have basic knowledge and can read and understand that. I also can understand some if people speak slowly. But all my mother can think of is that I am her daughter and that something could happen to me. Well, something could happen to me anywhere! Any day! I am 42 years old, live alone for the past 12 years. She said that I have no kids, I can’t understand. I responded with, thanks for rubbing my face in that. There is nothing here for me. Except for my family. If I can escape before my brother and his wife have a baby, then it will happen. I am ready to make a plan for it to happen. You only live once. Why am I still here, I ask myself that question daily. Some people love living on this little island. Not me. I am not even that excited about my job anymore. The people are not that genuine and I feel like no one is transparent or has my back. I don’t like feeling like that. I want to have a life that is interesting and fulfilling. A life with love also, not only family love. I am ready for it. Being with M. has made me feel like I can do it again.
Intentions don’t do anything, actions do. Just heard this. So my intention to move to a different island must become an action.